Firstly, I do not intend on offending any one. This is simply a gag gift. So if I offend anyone, I apologize.
The pattern is written in English.
This pattern has photos, and written instructions so you can do it quickly, but you need to have intermediate skills in crochet to do it.
It has 6 pages of all the instructions for each piece along with pictures.
It is approx. 3” tall and 5 ½” wide